long time no blog...

So its been ages since i last blogged. Im not going to sit and reel out excuses as to why that is coz the truth is i really havnt been bothered to keep my blog up to date. I dont really know why as i do enjoy blogging but i think i maybe just wanted to take a break i dunno... anyway im back now :)

No much has happened i dont think really since my last blog in March. Im back at Uni after a nice relaxing Easter Hols, rested up plenty and mum fed me up :) She made a Banoffee Pie over hols and i practically ate the whole pie, it should have served at least 4-8 people i think! And yes im pretty proud of that fact haha!

So yeah im back at Uni, my second year is nearly finished :D the next few weeks i think are going to drag like hell, which in a way is good as means plenty of time to revise for my all important end of year exams - im proper crapping myself about them! I always do better with Coursework rather than exams, i think the whole time limit thing is the main issue, plus i dont retain information very well :|

Apart from my exams nothing major is happening. Im seeing the psychologist on my CF team for reasons im not going to divulge, but lets just say that the sessions are helping me, which is what i was really hoping they would do :)

Im a bit worried about my health atm, although im doing my physio and things like that im still getting extremely breathless just walking from my house to the bus stop which is like a 1min walk if that! A few other factors are at play as well, and it took me all weekend to convince myself that maybe with exams coming up i should look into bringing my appointment forward as atm its only 3 days before my exams, and im worried that if i leave it till then ill be worse and they will insist on IVs which i cannot do even more so than my last round coz of my exams. I need NO distractions for these exams. With the HUGE disruption i had from my last IV round and longest stay ever (for me) in hospital it really set me behind with all my work (which has pissed me off) and so i need to do well in these exams to pass my year!! So no pressure :P

So i rang them this morning and they said they will speak to a doctor and get back to me today... thats been a few hours now and im still waiting for a phone call back! I said i really need it to be this week and explained why. Now for me to actually ring up and want to come in sooner coz i recognise im not feeling well is nothing short of a miracle for me, as i usually just burry the thoughts and ignore it, then i get worse - i have a vicious cycle i get stuck in, im pretty sure im not the only one who does this - i think i ignore it all because its a case of i want to control the CF and not it control me. so i ignore the signs of possible infection so i can pretend to be "normal" for a while longer. Its pretty thick really as then when i do get treatment, its usually for longer and usually more agressive and things and so i just get really low and fed up. Plus if im in hospital the only two people who remember im still alive on this Earth is my amazing mum and Emily - best friend/house mate/bail payer :p - which pisses me off and upsets me further, as my other so called friends totally forget about me and dont even ask how i am via text unless i text them to see how they were. In the end i didnt bother texting them, which made me feel even more alone but it proved to me that at least i know who my true friends are in any situation. So yeah vicious cycle of which i have attempted to break by actually ringing up and saying i need to come in sooner. So im slightly annoyed theyve not rung me back yet and arent jumping at the chance to drag me in and poke and prod me...

On the bright side i went out friday night for the first time in absolutely ages! It was that long since id been out that i couldnt even remember the last time i did go out! Due to this i took the alcohol intake steady. I still had a slight hang over in the morning but it was okay and bearable :)
I wasnt able to dance much due to getting so breathless and coughing on the dance floor with everyone staring at me wasnt my idea of a good night out, so i did sit down a lot and chat to people. But i still had a really good night :D which is the main thing i think! Im looking forward to going out again at some point. At least i know i can proper party after my exams are over - that will be a messy night!