So I've not blogged for ages!! I've not really known what to write up until now, but even now I'm not totally sure so this might be a bit of a random post, well see!
My emotions have been a struggle lately to say the least. Normally I'm good at keeping myself in check, i keep a diary of my own and anything gets written down in there, I've read back on some things and it doesn't even make much sense, but i guess at the time of writing it, it made me feel better so I'm not bothered. That diary is for me anyway and so others don't need to understand it.
For some reason i just stopped writing. I became very low and didn't really care about much. I wasn't very well which didn't help my low mood and i was snapping a lot at people who didn't deserve to be snapped at. I wasn't able to keep food down, unless it was ice cream or ice lollies. I was drinking tons but still became severely dehydrated and it ended up making my lips dry out so much at night that they would split and bleed. They became really quite sore and i used to use vaseline to heal my lips when this happened in the past but being on overnight oxygen now i couldn't do that, so i was struggling as i couldn't find a cream that would help me that wasn't going to also make my face explode :|
I wasn't sleeping so i was becoming more low by the day really, sleep only seemed to want to come to me at the most inconvenient times during the day and i had to relent most of the time and give in to it as i was pretty much propping my eyes open with matchsticks most days. My chest was drying up and was so painful as i kept getting plugs and random muscle spasms. The only thing that seemed to help my chest was hot water bottles and laying on my side. If i did any nebuliser it felt like it made my chest so tight and i just couldn't breathe properly afterwards. So i gave up.
I still have the wheelchair on loan from the red cross but it goes back at the end of this month so ill more than likely become a recluse again which will send my mood down again. I cant manage walking up the stairs properly i have to stop half way.
I went to clinic when i was really quite unwell and they wanted me in, i refused as i didn't think i needed IVs i just needed to keep my food down and get some sleep! I was exhausted. They prescribed me some orals I've not had before as i insisted that the ones they keep giving me now don't really do anything and the Cipro makes me throw up even more now. I also got some anti sickness pills. I started taking them that night and after a few days they seemed to be doing the trick. I managed to start keeping cereal down and eventually got up to having proper meals again.
I'm now keeping food down, my mood has really picked up, and I'm sleeping again! I went back to clinic the other day and was given some very mild anti depressants which also act as a sedative so they are helping me to sleep which is doing me the world of good it feels! They are also to help with my mood as its still not good but its improving slowly so well see how i go.
I'm going to do a separate blog about my recent clinic appointment as there was a big decisions made by me and i want to talk properly about it.
Showing posts with label shattered. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shattered. Show all posts
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Feeling pretty rubbish :(
Im feeling so rubbish these past few weeks. I was doing really well months ago, then i got a cold and since then everything has just been pretty crap. And now ive got another cold. Perfect.
Its not as bad as the last one, but its still knocking me for six. Im still doing the gym, im really pushing myself there coz i want all this junk off my chest so i can breath a bit better again! I am doing well at the gym, ive done a bit of everything on my training plan now, a lot of cardio and some weights as well. Which granted im lifting the weight of a feather but that doesnt bother me really as i knew i was pretty weak, plus from all the joint pain i get, ive got lasting effects of it and my wrists are quite weak :| Ah the joys of CF! But its helping me to cough up loads of this crap on my chest, which is good, but its quite bad theres so much down there! :( I feel a round of IV's coming on.
Im so knackered! Im doing gym, and coursework and the occaisional day at Uni, which im usually pretty shattered for by the time i get there as i have to get up quite early, get a train, and then wait in the freezing cold until the bus decides to turn up. So im quite shocked i manage to just about stay awake in the lectures i do manage to get to! Granted gym, coursework and Uni doesnt sound like much to be doing, but when thats all im doing day in day out, it gets tedious and knackering after a while. Especially when you cant switch off at night to sleep properly :(
Coursework at the moment is a total joke. Ive got my digital media project going on which is basically my dissertation, then ive got a consultany project with a real client outside of the Uni with a group of other people. Another assignment that i have to have done for the 9th and ive got NO idea what the hell im doing for it, and another one due in on the 16th which is a series of mini projects ive been doing since like October or something. But the specifications we get for these assignments are made over techinical when theres absolutely no need for that, and then the tutors get all grumpy when so many students ask questions about everything! If they actually put things we needed to know in the spec we wouldnt have to clearly bother them with our queries.
Tomorrow im supposed to be handing in a 3000 word research report and also doing a presentation showing off a prototype of my media project so far. This im not looking forward to, and at this rate im not going to be able to do the presentation, 'coz ive got really bad chest pains and it hurts to breathe, move, cough, sneeze, hiccup, you name it and im practically crying with the pain at some points! It started at the weekend and then went away on tuesday so i was able to do the gym, and today its come back with vengance :( Not happy.
At least ive got hospital on friday, which is good and bad. Last time i went my lung function was down to 45% because of that annoying cold i had gotten last time. Then i think i had gotten some lung function back but now ive got another stupid cold my chest sounds like a car engine that wont start.Whether that has killed my lung function i thought i had gained i dont know, guess well find out on friday! Hopefully i will have gained weight tho, ive been eating mum out of house and home haha! I have noticed my energy has picked up a little bit, which usually only happens with weight gain for me more than a gain in lung function. Though i still dont want to get out of bed in the mornings, but thats only more because its freezing!! haha!
On a more happy note, ive had my hair cut :) It was getting really long which is what i wanted but it was getting unmanagable to wash it and comb it and general care of my hair. So i had it cut to just below my shoulders and styled a bit as well. I'll put a picture up soon, as well as a pic of my new tatt :D I had it done weeks ago, but its not long finished healing so it looks better for a picture now. I always find the smaller tattoos take longer to heal than the large ones ive had done. Weird.
Right better get on with this coursework :|
Its not as bad as the last one, but its still knocking me for six. Im still doing the gym, im really pushing myself there coz i want all this junk off my chest so i can breath a bit better again! I am doing well at the gym, ive done a bit of everything on my training plan now, a lot of cardio and some weights as well. Which granted im lifting the weight of a feather but that doesnt bother me really as i knew i was pretty weak, plus from all the joint pain i get, ive got lasting effects of it and my wrists are quite weak :| Ah the joys of CF! But its helping me to cough up loads of this crap on my chest, which is good, but its quite bad theres so much down there! :( I feel a round of IV's coming on.
Im so knackered! Im doing gym, and coursework and the occaisional day at Uni, which im usually pretty shattered for by the time i get there as i have to get up quite early, get a train, and then wait in the freezing cold until the bus decides to turn up. So im quite shocked i manage to just about stay awake in the lectures i do manage to get to! Granted gym, coursework and Uni doesnt sound like much to be doing, but when thats all im doing day in day out, it gets tedious and knackering after a while. Especially when you cant switch off at night to sleep properly :(
Coursework at the moment is a total joke. Ive got my digital media project going on which is basically my dissertation, then ive got a consultany project with a real client outside of the Uni with a group of other people. Another assignment that i have to have done for the 9th and ive got NO idea what the hell im doing for it, and another one due in on the 16th which is a series of mini projects ive been doing since like October or something. But the specifications we get for these assignments are made over techinical when theres absolutely no need for that, and then the tutors get all grumpy when so many students ask questions about everything! If they actually put things we needed to know in the spec we wouldnt have to clearly bother them with our queries.
Tomorrow im supposed to be handing in a 3000 word research report and also doing a presentation showing off a prototype of my media project so far. This im not looking forward to, and at this rate im not going to be able to do the presentation, 'coz ive got really bad chest pains and it hurts to breathe, move, cough, sneeze, hiccup, you name it and im practically crying with the pain at some points! It started at the weekend and then went away on tuesday so i was able to do the gym, and today its come back with vengance :( Not happy.
At least ive got hospital on friday, which is good and bad. Last time i went my lung function was down to 45% because of that annoying cold i had gotten last time. Then i think i had gotten some lung function back but now ive got another stupid cold my chest sounds like a car engine that wont start.Whether that has killed my lung function i thought i had gained i dont know, guess well find out on friday! Hopefully i will have gained weight tho, ive been eating mum out of house and home haha! I have noticed my energy has picked up a little bit, which usually only happens with weight gain for me more than a gain in lung function. Though i still dont want to get out of bed in the mornings, but thats only more because its freezing!! haha!
On a more happy note, ive had my hair cut :) It was getting really long which is what i wanted but it was getting unmanagable to wash it and comb it and general care of my hair. So i had it cut to just below my shoulders and styled a bit as well. I'll put a picture up soon, as well as a pic of my new tatt :D I had it done weeks ago, but its not long finished healing so it looks better for a picture now. I always find the smaller tattoos take longer to heal than the large ones ive had done. Weird.
Right better get on with this coursework :|
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
days like today...
I had a hospital appointment on friday just gone (29th October) and i knew it wasnt going to go well weeks before the date even arrived. Partly my own fault and partly due to the cold weather starting to set in and that always makes me rougher than normal. At my last appointment i had 55% lung function and that was the best it had been since May this year! Hence them being happy and didnt need to see my until 3 months later, which was the 29th Oct appointment. My lung functions now down to 45% and my weight has dropped .6 of a kg... now making me weigh in at about 47kg! Light as a feather.
I had to see a "doctor" i dont like. I say doctor in quote marks as i dont think she is a real CF doc, not like the other one i see. I really dont like her, i find her so patronising and she doesnt listen one bit. Not the best thing to not listen to the patient when surely they are the best ones to know really how they are feeling?!
Anyway i had a right attitude problem with her and with the dietician as thats what happens with me, if i dont like them my attitude comes out loud and clear and im not a pleasant person at all.
Sometimes i feel a bit bad when i know they are just trying to do their jobs, but then when they ask me stupid questions like "so do you have an increased cough?" after ive just told her how bad ive been lately with not doing nebs and things and also seeing that my l.f has dropped a further 10%, i dont feel so bad any more.
The dietician tried to get me to talk to her about having NG feeding tubes. I told her the same as i told her when i was in hospital - no way! - i realise it would help me to gain weight considerably, but i just cant stomach (no pun intended) the thought of a tube being stuck up my nose, down my throat and into my stomach. I cant do it. Especially when my appetite is fine, granted i could do with eating a bit more but im doing the best i can right now with what appetite ive got. The dietician doesnt get that. She asked me if i was okay as i seemed a bit upset. At first i wasnt going to say anything, and then i found myself saying to her that she would be like this as well if she had someone constantly telling me that i need to gain weight! I told her its a lot easier said than done for a CF patient especially! She said she understands but i honestly dont think she does, and shell be giving me the same lecture next time about weight gain. And ill be giving her the same attitude.
So its days like today that really sucks. I feel shattered, even though i slept well, and i woke up coughing to the point where i just couldnt catch my breath. Its always really scary when that happens, feels like you just cant breath again and you'll pass out. Freaks me out. It must not look like a pretty sight for mum either.
Some days i have where im feeling really great, but they seem to be rare lately. Im always waking up during the night now coughing, and sometimes its hard to get comfy enough to get back to sleep. Also knowing that the alarm will go off soon doesnt help either...
This 45% lung function is grating my nerves. I feel crap all the time, no matter if i clear my chest quite well one day. Im shattered just walking up the stairs, which is beyond stupid! I could literally sleep all day right now, and still be shattered beyond belief. I finished Uni today at 1pm, and i got home around 2.45ish. I had to get some meds from the pharmacy but mum ended up going up for me, as would be much quicker. When she was out i fell asleep totally unintentionally on the sofa! I only woke up as i heard the keys in the door.
Im stacked up full now with coursework. Im doing 5 modules - all compulsory so no chance of dropping something - and ive got a piece for each one now. The due dates are fairly well spread out, but thats because they are big pieces of work that require me to do a bit on them each day... this hasnt exactly gone to plan as im totally unmotivated from being shattered all the time and i feel like a bag of crap 24/7. This means im heading a bit into "panic mode" and unless i can catch up im screwed. With the uni im at, its hand in your work on time or fail. Simple as that, no extentions for people who deserve/really need it such as myself. You can hand in an extenuating circumstances form, which basically means they'll go a bit more easy on grading your work coz itll be a bit slack compared to others on the course, but thats about all it does. So pretty much fuck all really. Id honestly rather have my work capped at 40% and be allowed an extention than just have "a leniant marking criteria". It was all grand in the first year as we had a 24 hour window and also a 10 day window and if you handed in extenuating circumstances it was a case of, "okay do the work, and use the 10 day extention window and you'll be fine", ten days doesnt sound an awful lot but for me it was usually the difference between 40% and 80% or something. But they took all that away at the beginning of year 2 as apparently all the other uni's didnt do things like that. Who gives a crap about the other uni's!?!
So its back to the usual "You really need IVs" which is what it was on the 29th, and me replying with "can't. wont. uni work really important, cant afford time off at home on ivs or in hospital on ivs." Them being all moody and giving me the speech of "well we can write you a letter, were just looking out for your best interests health wise".
Which i totally get, they are just doing their job. But this is my future im trying to get a pass for. At this rate ill be surprised if i even graduate! I realise i dont really have a future without my health blah blah.... but with the uni not being helpful when i go on IVs and into hospital, what other choices apart from failing have i got?! And as much as i appreciate the letter writing from the hospital and any other help they offer me, it just doesnt cut it because of the Uni's regulations that do shit all for the students in my position. This isnt primary school where i can have a note written to get me out of P.E. that day/week.
Honestly sometimes i really wish id never bothered with Uni. :(
Anway this is a long post already, and my finger joints are screaming at me more so from typing so much, so ill call it a day...
I had to see a "doctor" i dont like. I say doctor in quote marks as i dont think she is a real CF doc, not like the other one i see. I really dont like her, i find her so patronising and she doesnt listen one bit. Not the best thing to not listen to the patient when surely they are the best ones to know really how they are feeling?!
Anyway i had a right attitude problem with her and with the dietician as thats what happens with me, if i dont like them my attitude comes out loud and clear and im not a pleasant person at all.
Sometimes i feel a bit bad when i know they are just trying to do their jobs, but then when they ask me stupid questions like "so do you have an increased cough?" after ive just told her how bad ive been lately with not doing nebs and things and also seeing that my l.f has dropped a further 10%, i dont feel so bad any more.
The dietician tried to get me to talk to her about having NG feeding tubes. I told her the same as i told her when i was in hospital - no way! - i realise it would help me to gain weight considerably, but i just cant stomach (no pun intended) the thought of a tube being stuck up my nose, down my throat and into my stomach. I cant do it. Especially when my appetite is fine, granted i could do with eating a bit more but im doing the best i can right now with what appetite ive got. The dietician doesnt get that. She asked me if i was okay as i seemed a bit upset. At first i wasnt going to say anything, and then i found myself saying to her that she would be like this as well if she had someone constantly telling me that i need to gain weight! I told her its a lot easier said than done for a CF patient especially! She said she understands but i honestly dont think she does, and shell be giving me the same lecture next time about weight gain. And ill be giving her the same attitude.
So its days like today that really sucks. I feel shattered, even though i slept well, and i woke up coughing to the point where i just couldnt catch my breath. Its always really scary when that happens, feels like you just cant breath again and you'll pass out. Freaks me out. It must not look like a pretty sight for mum either.
Some days i have where im feeling really great, but they seem to be rare lately. Im always waking up during the night now coughing, and sometimes its hard to get comfy enough to get back to sleep. Also knowing that the alarm will go off soon doesnt help either...
This 45% lung function is grating my nerves. I feel crap all the time, no matter if i clear my chest quite well one day. Im shattered just walking up the stairs, which is beyond stupid! I could literally sleep all day right now, and still be shattered beyond belief. I finished Uni today at 1pm, and i got home around 2.45ish. I had to get some meds from the pharmacy but mum ended up going up for me, as would be much quicker. When she was out i fell asleep totally unintentionally on the sofa! I only woke up as i heard the keys in the door.
Im stacked up full now with coursework. Im doing 5 modules - all compulsory so no chance of dropping something - and ive got a piece for each one now. The due dates are fairly well spread out, but thats because they are big pieces of work that require me to do a bit on them each day... this hasnt exactly gone to plan as im totally unmotivated from being shattered all the time and i feel like a bag of crap 24/7. This means im heading a bit into "panic mode" and unless i can catch up im screwed. With the uni im at, its hand in your work on time or fail. Simple as that, no extentions for people who deserve/really need it such as myself. You can hand in an extenuating circumstances form, which basically means they'll go a bit more easy on grading your work coz itll be a bit slack compared to others on the course, but thats about all it does. So pretty much fuck all really. Id honestly rather have my work capped at 40% and be allowed an extention than just have "a leniant marking criteria". It was all grand in the first year as we had a 24 hour window and also a 10 day window and if you handed in extenuating circumstances it was a case of, "okay do the work, and use the 10 day extention window and you'll be fine", ten days doesnt sound an awful lot but for me it was usually the difference between 40% and 80% or something. But they took all that away at the beginning of year 2 as apparently all the other uni's didnt do things like that. Who gives a crap about the other uni's!?!
So its back to the usual "You really need IVs" which is what it was on the 29th, and me replying with "can't. wont. uni work really important, cant afford time off at home on ivs or in hospital on ivs." Them being all moody and giving me the speech of "well we can write you a letter, were just looking out for your best interests health wise".
Which i totally get, they are just doing their job. But this is my future im trying to get a pass for. At this rate ill be surprised if i even graduate! I realise i dont really have a future without my health blah blah.... but with the uni not being helpful when i go on IVs and into hospital, what other choices apart from failing have i got?! And as much as i appreciate the letter writing from the hospital and any other help they offer me, it just doesnt cut it because of the Uni's regulations that do shit all for the students in my position. This isnt primary school where i can have a note written to get me out of P.E. that day/week.
Honestly sometimes i really wish id never bothered with Uni. :(
Anway this is a long post already, and my finger joints are screaming at me more so from typing so much, so ill call it a day...
Saturday, 20 March 2010
everything all at once..
Im really not sure how i can put up with everything for much longer! I just really want to go home to my mum!
I dont what is wrong with me but i think as does a lot of other people think ive got a very rough virus! Last time i was on IV's was Xmas time i finished them on xmas eve, and then went back a few weeks later in the new year (so this year) and i was put on something called Septrum. After a few days of taking that i got really really itchey all over my body, especially my scalp which was soo annoying!! Also every single joint of mine was soooo much pain! I could barely move, my mum had to help me a lot, like dressing, climbing stairs, even simple things like opening bottles coz i couldnt move my fingers to grip anything properly at all.... I thot all of that was an allergic reaction to the Septrum as everything i had was listed on the reactions list that come with the meds. So i stopped taking them and after about a week or so it cleared up.
Well now all them symptoms are back, and it seems to be with a huge vengance :'( I literally cannot move without nearly crying from pain in every part of my body! My head is banging and my throat is so sore it hurts so much to swallow, so trying to keep my fluids up and keep eating is very painful!
My fingers, knees, and ankles are swollen, im not sure about anything else, coz it hurts to much to move to check it out...
All this is making me feel so low and fed up, and angry as well coz bad health for me just doesnt seem to want to let up lately! I tried to avoid IV's until i had my port put it coz my veins hide from the lines and last time it took 3 very painful attempts to get a line in :( Then i had my port in, that went all fine, started my IV's all was going fine, was plowing myself with physio, but not to the point of overdoing it, and my lung function didnt budge a single %, so i was really disappointed! So i kept on trying and trying and then it went down!! Literally wanted to scream, no matter how knackered it made me!! Finally the day i was dischared it went up by 2%.... doesnt sound a lot, but after all that had happened (or not happened) i pretty much nearly cried at that 2%!! Then i came home, had a nice time relaxing at mums.... and i was relaxed! I had no stresses of uni bugging me, no people make me feel so tiny and guilty for being ill and not able to attend uni like they do, or put all the effort into their work like they do. I work dam hard at uni and it feels like im getting everything chucked in my face!!
I really just cant be bothered with uni anymore, i want to leave. I cant juggle my health and uni at the same time and i want to quit one. If i could quit CF i would have done ages ago, but i cant, which just leave Uni to quit. I know my mum wants me home so she can take care of me, lord knows she would do a better job of it than i am right now!!
Im just fed up and nearing the end of my teather :'(
Ive got 6/7 assignments all due in for the 25th March 2pm, ive barely been able to start any of them from being so ill and in so much pain... for sketches i cant hold a pencil properly!
But if i dont hand anything in for my work then i fail my module or my course im not totally sure. But im so lost for motivation that im "this close" to just saying fuck it to all my work and not bothering anymore!
Like i said i just want to go home...
I dont what is wrong with me but i think as does a lot of other people think ive got a very rough virus! Last time i was on IV's was Xmas time i finished them on xmas eve, and then went back a few weeks later in the new year (so this year) and i was put on something called Septrum. After a few days of taking that i got really really itchey all over my body, especially my scalp which was soo annoying!! Also every single joint of mine was soooo much pain! I could barely move, my mum had to help me a lot, like dressing, climbing stairs, even simple things like opening bottles coz i couldnt move my fingers to grip anything properly at all.... I thot all of that was an allergic reaction to the Septrum as everything i had was listed on the reactions list that come with the meds. So i stopped taking them and after about a week or so it cleared up.
Well now all them symptoms are back, and it seems to be with a huge vengance :'( I literally cannot move without nearly crying from pain in every part of my body! My head is banging and my throat is so sore it hurts so much to swallow, so trying to keep my fluids up and keep eating is very painful!
My fingers, knees, and ankles are swollen, im not sure about anything else, coz it hurts to much to move to check it out...
All this is making me feel so low and fed up, and angry as well coz bad health for me just doesnt seem to want to let up lately! I tried to avoid IV's until i had my port put it coz my veins hide from the lines and last time it took 3 very painful attempts to get a line in :( Then i had my port in, that went all fine, started my IV's all was going fine, was plowing myself with physio, but not to the point of overdoing it, and my lung function didnt budge a single %, so i was really disappointed! So i kept on trying and trying and then it went down!! Literally wanted to scream, no matter how knackered it made me!! Finally the day i was dischared it went up by 2%.... doesnt sound a lot, but after all that had happened (or not happened) i pretty much nearly cried at that 2%!! Then i came home, had a nice time relaxing at mums.... and i was relaxed! I had no stresses of uni bugging me, no people make me feel so tiny and guilty for being ill and not able to attend uni like they do, or put all the effort into their work like they do. I work dam hard at uni and it feels like im getting everything chucked in my face!!
I really just cant be bothered with uni anymore, i want to leave. I cant juggle my health and uni at the same time and i want to quit one. If i could quit CF i would have done ages ago, but i cant, which just leave Uni to quit. I know my mum wants me home so she can take care of me, lord knows she would do a better job of it than i am right now!!
Im just fed up and nearing the end of my teather :'(
Ive got 6/7 assignments all due in for the 25th March 2pm, ive barely been able to start any of them from being so ill and in so much pain... for sketches i cant hold a pencil properly!
But if i dont hand anything in for my work then i fail my module or my course im not totally sure. But im so lost for motivation that im "this close" to just saying fuck it to all my work and not bothering anymore!
Like i said i just want to go home...
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
So very very tired and fed up
I came out of hospital a week yesterday, and i came off my IV's a week 2morro. Since then ive been dealing with all the meds coming out of my system, and trying to get back to uni and deal with all the coursework thats piled up past my ears.
Although i made a plan with my program leader to focus on the main 3 modules that im doing well in and have already put a lot of work into, and then the other 3 to just submit "something" enough for me to be able to do a possible resit of them in the summer time, i still feel like im falling flat on my face every day. The plan now i think about it more and more isnt actually that much of a plan. Although i submitted extenuating circumstances from being in hospital and on IV's, i still have to get all my work in on time for the deadline my tutors set. Which TOTALLY defies the point of "extenuating circumstances". To me submitting them should mean that i get some sort of extention granted for all the courseworks that have been affected due to my circumstances at the time that prevented me from completing them in time for the first deadline. BUT this is not the case, submitting them still means i have to get allll my work in on time. Then the board that deals with the exten circs has a meeting in either April or June time around the results time, and in the mean time i wont know anything about whats happening. But if my stuff gets granted then it just means my assignment grades wont be capped, and if they arent accepted (which if being in hospital for a month isnt something to be granted then id like to know what is on their list) then my mark is capped at around 40% i think!
I do 6 modules and ive got coursework for every single one, all they are all due in for the 25th March at 2pm!! Most of the work ive not a clue what im doing on, i think maybe once im started on them i might be okay. But getting started is the hardest part. And trying to focus on all the work, and attend the lectures and focus on getting better and having all the meds coming out my system, it just feels like its getting all way too much!
Im absolutely shattered, i mean beyond words can really describe shattered. I think its mostly from the meds coming out my system, im not totally sure, possibly combined with stress as well. Im trying sooo hard to stick to my physio schedule that i created with my physios before i was discharged, but its proving the equivalent of trying to climb a mountain. As is battling the coursework load.
Im also realy itchey all over my body, its giving my mini rashes everywhere, mostly my head, arms, face, neck and hands. And all day today ive been getting strange tingly feelings in my hands and feet and its kinda hurts actually, like ive just shut mu whole hand in the door or something... Its really quite annoying, and the itching is literally driving my insane!! If its continues for much longer as ive only had it for 2 days now im going to ring the hospital and see what they say/think, last time i had the itches like this it was at the beginning of my ceft round and they gave me anti-itching tablets, which seemed to help nicely. My scalp is the worst, its a case of if anything touches it even a breeze that moves my hair its a mad frenzy of itching! Its pissing my off as its making my port area itch and i can feel the beginning of the catherter i think it is which at the moment really sticks up and the skin feels quite thin over it, so its hard and annoying to scratch at :|
Fingers crossed this all passes soon as its also making me distracted from my work!
Right now i just couldnt care less about Uni, i really just want to go home to my mum and rest a hell of a lot! Sleep is number one on my wish list now! Although im sleeping really well through the whole night and getting to sleep isnt a problem at all, its just the waking up bit and the energy levels in between the day thats causing the problems. I feel like i can only open my eyes half way today, which is why i took the day off uni although i didnt get as much as i would like to have done, but still.
I guess im, just going to have to keep plodding along for now...
Although i made a plan with my program leader to focus on the main 3 modules that im doing well in and have already put a lot of work into, and then the other 3 to just submit "something" enough for me to be able to do a possible resit of them in the summer time, i still feel like im falling flat on my face every day. The plan now i think about it more and more isnt actually that much of a plan. Although i submitted extenuating circumstances from being in hospital and on IV's, i still have to get all my work in on time for the deadline my tutors set. Which TOTALLY defies the point of "extenuating circumstances". To me submitting them should mean that i get some sort of extention granted for all the courseworks that have been affected due to my circumstances at the time that prevented me from completing them in time for the first deadline. BUT this is not the case, submitting them still means i have to get allll my work in on time. Then the board that deals with the exten circs has a meeting in either April or June time around the results time, and in the mean time i wont know anything about whats happening. But if my stuff gets granted then it just means my assignment grades wont be capped, and if they arent accepted (which if being in hospital for a month isnt something to be granted then id like to know what is on their list) then my mark is capped at around 40% i think!
I do 6 modules and ive got coursework for every single one, all they are all due in for the 25th March at 2pm!! Most of the work ive not a clue what im doing on, i think maybe once im started on them i might be okay. But getting started is the hardest part. And trying to focus on all the work, and attend the lectures and focus on getting better and having all the meds coming out my system, it just feels like its getting all way too much!
Im absolutely shattered, i mean beyond words can really describe shattered. I think its mostly from the meds coming out my system, im not totally sure, possibly combined with stress as well. Im trying sooo hard to stick to my physio schedule that i created with my physios before i was discharged, but its proving the equivalent of trying to climb a mountain. As is battling the coursework load.
Im also realy itchey all over my body, its giving my mini rashes everywhere, mostly my head, arms, face, neck and hands. And all day today ive been getting strange tingly feelings in my hands and feet and its kinda hurts actually, like ive just shut mu whole hand in the door or something... Its really quite annoying, and the itching is literally driving my insane!! If its continues for much longer as ive only had it for 2 days now im going to ring the hospital and see what they say/think, last time i had the itches like this it was at the beginning of my ceft round and they gave me anti-itching tablets, which seemed to help nicely. My scalp is the worst, its a case of if anything touches it even a breeze that moves my hair its a mad frenzy of itching! Its pissing my off as its making my port area itch and i can feel the beginning of the catherter i think it is which at the moment really sticks up and the skin feels quite thin over it, so its hard and annoying to scratch at :|
Fingers crossed this all passes soon as its also making me distracted from my work!
Right now i just couldnt care less about Uni, i really just want to go home to my mum and rest a hell of a lot! Sleep is number one on my wish list now! Although im sleeping really well through the whole night and getting to sleep isnt a problem at all, its just the waking up bit and the energy levels in between the day thats causing the problems. I feel like i can only open my eyes half way today, which is why i took the day off uni although i didnt get as much as i would like to have done, but still.
I guess im, just going to have to keep plodding along for now...
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