A little unsure...

So ive started talking to this new guy. I like him so far, i think he likes me but a little hard to tell really. Anyway i told him the other week about my CF as it came up in convo about my recent tatt. (Ill add a pic on the end) and so he knows about the whole hard to gain weight part of it. Well we were talking tonight and he said in convo that i do look too skinny in my MSN pic.... oh. i just tried to brush it off with a well its hard to find the balance crap. But he didnt really say much. I dont know what his understanding is of CF and i dont really want to sit there and question him on what he knows as if he doesnt want to know then im not going to force him.

But just that what he said "well you do look too skinny in your pic" has stuck with me now and i hate it. When i was younger i hated my skinnyness, and in seniors i was called anorexic (amoungst other bullying things) a few times, even tho it was by people who barely or didnt know me, it still hurt a lot... It took me ages to feel comfy wearing a vest top outside as my collor bones stick out and my shoulders as well look really boney. My arms in general arent exactly Arnold Schwarzenegger size really. I used to wear baggy clothing as much as possible so it wouldnt show off my stick-like-ness.

Im just really quite disappointed he said that, and it feels like he said it so bluntly as well. Forgive me if i seem like im blowing steam for nothing but him saying that, brought back years of buried pain about my looks and skinnyness (as vein as that sounds, its not meant like that). Considering the amount ive been eating lately ive put some weight on (i hope), but it usually just goes straight to my stomach, and feels like all that weight has disappeared by the morning!

I said to myself when i was nearing end of seniors that if someone cant accept me for who i am, then they can just keep walking on past me and my life. But at the same time i dont want this guy to do that... i want to help him understand if he wants to and explain its pretty normal for me and im never going to be muscly. not even a little bit. but then on the other hand i keep thinking about that saying i told myself years ago...

Its stupid. I hate when people i like in that way says things about my weight or something as its the thing im the most self-conscience about. Ive just learnt to hide it better over the years. But still him saying that made me feel so small, weak and self-conscience all over again. and im pretty angry and upset that he made me feel like that!

Heres the pic of my latest tatt. The words "hope" and "breathe" are written on the tails for myself.