Spend a day in my shoes will you.....

This post will be a bit of a rant, so bare with me :) I was going to post it the other day but got distracted and left it 'till now....

Does anyone ever feel like guilty for needing to take time to rest up and sort themselves out for a day here and there?

I do. With having CF, it can sometimes knock me for six with feeling tired, and trying to stick to a strict schedule of attending uni and also doing all the coursework on time, and finding the time to fit in to do all my physio and general health sorting things can be really difficult for me at the moment.

Im really struggling with Uni work and dealing with health, chatting to various people on the CF forums has helped me with the CF side of things, to know that im not the only one trying to generally deal with things with it, not just whilst being in Uni, but as an everyday part of life.

Theres a few people whom I feel frown upon me for needing to take that bit extra time to get over what is to them a simple cold, where as for me is a possible round of IV's! Or when I take the odd day off Uni here and there to rest up and try and catch up with things im behind on.

I dont have a lot of confidence lately and as a result I'm finding it hard to ask for help from my lecturers, another reason I find it hard to ask for help is because when I was in school from Juniors to Seniors whenever I needed help and I asked the teachers I was always made to look and feel the idiot and made to feel like I was causing the teachers time and effort to explain things to me. I dont get a great deal of things that easily and the teachers always had to repeat themselves when helping me, which they always seemed to get annoyed about. So I gave up asking for help over the years and now it has just grown into a slight fear of asking for the help when I most need it. Some of my friends don't seem to be able to grab the concept of this "fear" I have, and I feel that it really annoys them, but although I'm trying to sort it out, I'm not getting as far as I would like to be right now! This in turn is affecting my coursework, which is affecting my stress, which in round about way affects my health!!

I'm sick of feeling guilty for having this disease, I'm sick of having to ask my friends to slow down when were out walking, I'm just generally tired of constantly having to climb a hurdle everyday and most days feeling like I'm not even making it over the thing! However I will keep on muddling through, I have a goal I want to reach after all...

Sorry just wanted to rant a bit there :) Not all posts will be me complaining so no worries there :)

xx