New Year, New Me....

So this is better late than never for my first new year post :)

This year will be all about a new me. Now I know people say this all the time "this year I'm changing, I'm going to be a better person than last year blah blah". Well I truly mean this, and Ive decided that if I dont keep this promise to myself then I am not allowed any more tattoos! Now people who know me quite well know that I adore tattoos! I've got 5 at the moment, and I'm getting my 6th one done in a few months time. I'll get back to this in a bit...

So this new me will include:
1. Not feeling guilty if I feel the need to take a day off and rest, "re-boot" my energy levels so to speak so that I can survive the rest of the week at Uni!
2. It will be about me making sure I really eat properly while I am at Uni. Mums fattening me up some while I'm home for christmas, so I dont want to undo all her hard work and effort of delishious meals in one week alone at Uni. I know I'll have some friends who will kick me up the arse with things.
3. Physio! This is something I detest. I always have. When I was at GOSH when I was younger, I swear my physio nurses hated when I had an appointment, as it would always be the same answers "Have you done any physio at all since we last spoke?" me: "Nope, I dont like it. I dont like doing things I dont enjoy" Physio "Its in your best interest to do some, other wise things won't be easy for you in the long run" This all totally fell on someone who was away with the fairies. Now I've grown up and matured (a tiny bit anyway :p ) I realise how important it is to keep a daily routine of things, like my physio and keeping on taking all them pills (I am really surprised I dont rattle when I walk!) I am getting a bit better, I've been trying to do my DNAse and my Mucoclear (this ones still really new to me, and MY GOD! does it dry your throat out!! Although it does work really well) nearly every other day at the moment, every other day mainly for the Mucoclear until im used to it better, and my DNAse, well I was doing well with doing it every day, but, well, its seemed to have stopped! So that will be picking up. I will be trying to do some chest purcussions aswell, maybe if I'm feeling particulary chesty some days. I used to hate this also when I was younger and found it embarasing.... although I still do, I don't know why, perhaps its the loud coughing because of it all and the stuff I bring up (eventually) I dont like it in front of people, its still bad enough when I'm in hospital and I've got to do my Nebs, I hate doing them in front of people. Theres only two people I dont mind doing them in front of and thats my mum, and my best mate Emily. It takes me a long time to build up trust with people, when I moved to my adult care unit in Bristol, I was not telling the doctors there much until I asscessed what they were like in my eyes. It's very bad I know, but its a trust thing for me. They after all effectively holding my life in their hands, therefore an element of trust has to be found. I'm better with some of them now though :)

4. Organisation!! This is a major one for me! I am sooo bad when it comes to doing things on time, or when I am supposed to do them. I will be (hopefully) having a mentor set up who will help me with this at University. They will help me to create time tables for coursework, revision when exams roll around, other things aswell, making sure I'm on top of my work load and not stressed, and making sure I'm getting all the help I am entitled too. I have also bought myself some folders for which I will be arranging all my work from year 1 in one folder and year 2 so far in another folder, there will be dividers between each module, and it will include all my past assignments, and lecture handouts and notes. I am trying to find them tray things "in and out trays" they are called, and apparently this is the technical term for them aswell! These will obviously be my "in and out trays" for assignments, the out tray will contain one that are due to be handed in, and the in tray well thats obvious really. I'm going to create some decent sort of schedule for my physio time at University aswell...

5. Portfolio website and Placement!!
This is another major one, and my last "to do" of the year for me. I am hoping to do a placement for my third year at university, I would like it idealy to be in my home town, or near enough to get to easily, so that I am able to move home for a year. However if the best one I find is in Bristol I will have to find some sort of living arrangement there. I am sure things will fall in to place eventually, however its giving me a right headache looking for one, and then thinking about the applying process. My worst thought is what if I apply to a place that I really like and they don't accept me. That will be crushing, yet I guess looking at it from a different angle would be a good learning experience to be able to get back on the horse so to speak!
My portfolio website, I have started this. I've been working on it on and off for a few weeks now, and I've re-started it 4 times! The design I'm working on now is my 4th attempt. So far I am liking it better than my other 3 attempts! Which has got to be somewhere in the right direction... Once it is all finsihed I will purchase my webspace and go live with it, and hope that some work floats my way, or a prospective employer will see it and like me enough to hire me! Fingers and toes crossed!!

That is all my parts of me that I want to change this year. I am sure I've missed some minor details out, but everything is still in my head so I know what I am doing. But these points are the most important to me really. Going back to the tattoo thing quickly as I said I would. I am getting a port fitted this year, which if I am honest I am bricking it about. I know this is a minor operation, and I've been told that it will be under a general anesthetic (sp?) thank god!! But its a big deal to me, as its an operation, and I've always sworn to myself that I would never have one done (which in hindsight, having CF and swearing that to myself was a very bad idea, perhaps I meant operations that wern't essential). I had one done when I was a baby to sort the blockage in my intestines out, and I've got the scars from that. The scars don't bother me anymore, they used to, mainly 'coz people would ask what they were from and as I didn't know really I was shy about them, and kept them hidden. So the scar from the port op won't bother me at all, and I took a long time to think about it, longer than any patient at the hospital I go to my doctor told me, which I'm not sure is good or bad. I do have a tendancy to over think things a lot! But I decided that when I meet the surgeon and the anethetist person I will be more settled as I'm sure they deal with nervous patients all the time with their job! So I am hoping that will be in before my birthday in March (21 woop!) and I've decided that I am getting myself a tattoo after I am all healed somewhere on me (not my chest, perhaps my ankle) to represent my CF for me. I don't mind if people see it and don't understand what it is about, as this is one for me only :) I am busy in photoshop creating one that I feel is perfect :D

So to end this very long blog, I am off to bed now as I'm shattered!

Night
Kat