Future...

I was going to blog yesterday as i was in a really crap place for most of the day, but i just didn't know what to write really.


I felt awful and so that in turn affects the emotions and everything. I saw pretty much everything in a negative way yesterday. I managed to actually shower and wash my hair, though it took me forever. Then when it came to trying to comb my hair and dry it i just was so out of breath it made me so angry i had a threw my comb across my desk, and had a few mins of angry tears. Honestly i felt a bit better after that cry, although totally out of breath lol...

After that things started to get a little bit better, i did a mucoclear and cleared a great deal, which made it a bit easier to breath and move and it also settled my super racing heart a bit as well, which was a relief as that just get so uncomfy after about 5mins!

I managed to sort my hair out finally as well. I didn't manage to have lunch yesterday and so my planned sausage sandwich went out the window as i just couldn't manage going downstairs, so i didn't have a massively good day yesterday.

But today is, i was going to say a little better, but its actually a lot better really. Ive had breakfast, and felt better for breathing today, I'm still really full in my lungs and I'm clearing a lot just from a simple cough, which at the moment I'm seeing as good rather than "oh no another infection" as its better out than in!
Ive actually managed to have lunch today! Its just a simple sandwich, and it took me a while to make it as i struggle to stand for a while, and i couldn't cut the cheese properly but i got there and felt proud for making myself a sandwich! Which seems really stupid in writing but i did it, and so that's what matters to me :)
Ive taken all my pills so far for today which doesnt always happen, and im about to do a neb after ive done this blog.

Today i was supposed to be having my PEG procedure, but its cancelled. Mostly i cancelled it, as i was meant to go into hospital for a few days IVs before the procedure, but they had a massive bed shuffle round due to nora virus breakout and so my bed got cancelled. They neglected to ring and tell me this until i was literally half way there on the train with all my stuff!
So we turnt around and went home after an impromtu visit to my great aunts for a cup of tea and some cake :p when we got home mum rang the team who said they knew nothing about it, considering it was my dietician who rang and told me to go home i was annoyed at this lack of them being told!
So we tried admissions to see what would happen now, as my PEG was all booked in for today, they said at first they would try and get me in for Monday, then they said they will send a new date out for me, then they said they will try and get me in for the end of the week!! Nobody knew a thing of what was happening, so i told them to cancel the whole thing and not bother.


Mum rang the team on Monday and spoke to them and the dietician (the one i like as well which made it easier!) rang me back and i explained to her that unless it could be done on the 29th i cant do it until June time then. I said that im going away to see my sister on the 15th April and then when i come back ill be studying for my exams which start at the beginning of May, and these are my final year exams so need my absolute full attention! She thankfully understood this and said that if the PEG procedure cant fit into my lifestyle until June then that is fine as it wasnt an emergency (which made me laugh as thats not the impression the other horrible dietician made it to be, which explains why i felt so much pressure 'coz she was blowing everything out of proportion!).
So im just maintaining my weight now and if i can gaining some which will be great! I would love it, if come June time ive gained enough weight on my own that i dont even need the PEG anymore! Me and mum are making a lot of changes to my diet, so if anyone has any top tips that would be great :)


Its a hell of a lot of pressure off my shoulders and i slept better last night knowing that its postponed for now and i dont need to think about it for now! It was really messing up my mind.

Anyway im looking forward to two things now for April, one is some time away with mum seeing my sister and her hubby, and the other is my first night out with my old college lads i studied with towards the end of April! Im so looking forward to it, as ive not been out for absolutely ages!! But im determinded to be healthy enough to go out! Even if i dont stay out till 3am and get totally drunk, i dont care ill be out and having fun and actually socialising with real people!!

Can you tell im excited? :D