Update...

So I had my most recent hospital appointment on the 11th December. I knew it wasnt going to be an amazing appointment as I've been feeling pretty crap lately. I think this is due to working so hard for coursework deadlines and also not being able to sleep properly for some reason.
Its been quite tough for me at uni lately as most of my classes are upstairs or a bit of a walk from the bus stop (well for me its a bit of a walk, for others perhaps not) and so trying to climb the stairs or walking from the bus stops to my block that im in that day is a real effort for me and takes a lot of energy for me. I met one of my friends in one of the pc labs recently to do some coursework and I had to climb stairs to get to the room, well I got there and he asked had I been running I sed no, Ive just climbed the stairs. He asked this because i was huffing and puffing like I had just run a marathon and I was shaking from the amount of energy it had taken me. He didnt say much, but I think he was a bit shocked. I dont think some people believe me when I say lately that any kind of walking is a real effort for me, they just think im being lazy, when im really not. They just dont see how hard im really trying!

So all this and some other things i knew would mean IV's, and here I am sat here typing this after just finishing my afternoon meds. Im on Meropenem and Colistin (Colomycin, although i dont know y they give it two names its confusing) three times a day - 8am, 4pm and 11pm.
But the good thing is that as i was last on these in just August this year I managed to let my doc put my line in as an out patient and send me home that same day with all my things to do home IV's :)

It took three attempts to get my line in though as I hate having them in, so I usually have like this spray that freezes the area and numbs it for a few mins. Enough to have my line in and done before much feeling comes back.... Well i had this put on and then my lovely vein my dr had his eyes on, literally disappeared before his eyes, coz of this freeze spray. So in the end I literally gritted my teeth and had it put in without anything. I asked what happens if they cant get my line in, and he sed they would have to have my arm ultrasounded and the line put in that way so they could see what they were doing, and in the mean time have a venflom put in. I HATE venfloms! They last about 3 days maximum with me, and i find them more of a pain than the line ive got in now.

In then end the line was successfully put in, after enduring much pain. I wanted to stand up and walk out and tell them that i dont want this disease anymore, that they can have it back now. But then realised its not as easy as that. They didnt give this to me, there really isnt anyone to blame. My mum and dad had no idea about it, or that they are carriers so nothing they could have done. My sister was the lucky one of the two of us and skipped having it. I used to hate her for that, and at times when im quite sick like this i still do envy her a lot for being healthy, the same as i envy a lot of people i know who can laugh without having a coughin fit, and who can get a cold without it sending them into hospital, or simple things like that.

So ive been doing these meds since friday afternoon. friday night was a very rough night for me, the meds getting into my system was horrid. I had the violent shakes as i was so so cold, yet to the touch i was boiling hot, i felt so sick aswell and didnt get much sleep, so satuday i was doing nothing but sleeping as i had zero energy. I barely had an appetite, and so didnt eat a great deal. I think a lot of it was just tiredness, as sunday wasnt as bad, i slept better saturday night which resulted in me having a bit of a better appetite on sunday. I actaully managed breakfast and most of the soup i had for lunch, and i had a good meal in the evening. Today has been pretty slow, my appetite has gone again, and i feel really sick again. My head ache ive had since friday evening has moved to just over my eyes and above and its so painful i think thats whats making me feel so sick. Paracetamol doesnt seem to want to touch it and no amount of sleep is helping it.

I really just want to go home to mum and stay there. Im tired (not just IV wise either) of having this stupid disease and its really getting me down lately, although with it being Christmas im trying to not bring everyone else down aswell with me.

Fingers crossed things improve!!